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Text - Humor - Top 16 Signs Christmas Is Too Commercial.txt
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2003-08-15
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The Top 16 Signs Christmas Has Become Too Commercial
16> You don't recall that line from It's A Wonderful Life saying,
"Every time a cash register rings, a customer enjoys
never-before year-end savings at Try-N-Save!"
15> Your kid makes a fortune trading in "Elmo futures."
14> Salad Shooter in hand, Michael Jordan shows up as the
honorary "4th wise man" in new nativity scenes.
13> The impossible-to-get "Tickle Me Jesus"
12> Santa's Coyote/Ford-powered sleigh came in second in this
year's Indy 500.
11> Wise Men now arrive carrying Faux Gold, The Clapper and a
Chia Pet.
10> WWF presents "Oh, Holy Night" Cage Match pitting The Three
Wise Men against Jumping Joseph, Manic Mary and the
Dangerous Manger Boy!
9> Santa goes to Yankees in blockbuster trade for the slightly
heavier Cecil Fielder.
8> Rudolph demands Holiday Pay or he walks.
7> Santa's North Pole operation announces a corporate downsizing
amidst rumors that the Elf Division will be sold off to Keebler.
6> Reindeer rights purchase by Disney results in odd-sounding,
"On Doc, on Happy, on Grumpy, on Sneezy. Now Bashful,
now Dopey, now Eisner and Sleepy."
5> $, the holiday formerly known as Christmas
4> Rather large Nike logo emblazoned across His Holiness's pointy
hat during Midnight Mass at St. Peter's.
3> The Baby GAP's line of Swaddling Clothes(TM)
2> Michael Jackson buys all rights to the phrase "Ho, Ho, Ho" --
an injunction limits Santa to "a bemused facial expression and
laughter not exceeding two syllables."
and the Number 1 Sign Christmas Has Become Too Commercial...
1> Image of Virgin Mary appears in Dennis Rodman's hair.